How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What has tree roots and what do I have for kids? What is the difference between a human and a used tire?
Tree roots are under the tree, and used tires are under the Hummer.
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. π² I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
What do you call a tree π² that is magic? A magic tree π³
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and a tree π³ can not walk
Nobody:
The Vietcong when America lands on their beaches:
tReE pOwErS aCtIvAtE!
Where were the first orange trees ππ³ planted?
In Orange County.
What is the difference between a car and a tree π²? A tree π³ can not drive but a car π can drive
What is a dog that is Christmas?
A Christmas tree dog!
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree? Time to get a new Christmas tree π
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Us three get along well. I guess you could say we're the TREE-o!
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
