Tree jokes
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
What's better than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten!
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
you.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.