Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Life as an elevator has its ups and downs.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
Mosely in a white van
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
Hop in.
there was a man in a wheelchair and he got knocked out in front of a bus he had a wheelie good life.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
