Tragedy

Tragedy jokes

Add joke

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.

Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

More than ten, apparently.

  • 0

    • A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

    One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

    A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

    "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

  • 6

    • Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

    P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

    P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

    P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

    What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

    I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

    I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

    I know, I'm going to hell!

  • 1

    • I wonder if the 2 Irish kids off the Titanic movie who went to sleep before it sank had wet dreams?

  • 2

    • Last night I burned down an orphanage.

    There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

    *At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

    Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

    You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.

    When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?