How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Tragedy Jokes
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
What was going through the student's heads during a school shooting?
Bullets.
Why did the royal wedding get more publicity than a school shooting?
Cause a royal wedding doesn't happen once a week.
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
What do you describe Titanic as?
... Broken...
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
