My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore. And if I tried it would probably crash and burn. It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
Why is the sinking of Titanic different to sinking rapboat?
Titanic sinking was a tragedy, rapboat sinking is fucking funny.
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown
But the punch line is too long
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
