Tragedy jokes

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.

Air.

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?

Sandy Hook survivor.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?

They both got taken out by two jets.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

They say there is strength in numbers. Tell that to the people in the World Trade Center.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

Why is the sinking of Titanic different to sinking rapboat?

Titanic sinking was a tragedy, rapboat sinking is fucking funny.

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."