My friend Amir didnāt have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.
Why did little billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Please take this down, it's not funny at all!
It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.
A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him. The first man says, "I have been waiting to cross here for ages. It's impossible to cross."
The second man says, "There is a zebra crossing up the road." He said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am!"
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
