Traffic jokes
You were born on the highway. That's where most accidents happen.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
What did the traffic light 🚦 say? Oh.
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Q: Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
A: She got hit by a bus.
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.