Traffic jokes

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

Why did the kid cross the road?

He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.

Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!

Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To cut through traffic.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

It’s because she’s dead.

What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.