Traffic jokes
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Why did the fat rape victim cross the road?
To block traffic.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Why did the kid cross the road?
He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
It’s because she’s dead.
What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.