Traffic jokes
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
It’s because she’s dead.
What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
What did the traffic light say to the other?
🚦🚥🚦 Stop looking, I'm changing!
Why are Chinese so good at jaywalking? Cause they can't tell the difference between green and red light with their tiny eyes.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.
Wait, there aren't any road bumps.
O h s h i t.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
Teacher: Why were you late?
Me: Traffic.
Teacher: Did I did it?
Me: Did I even blame it on you?
Why did Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.