Traffic jokes
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color? A: Blue stop signs.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
This is Sally.
Sally says hi.
This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
Please take this down, it's not funny at all!
It's a joke, not a dick, so don't take it so hard!
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.