Worst Jokes Ever
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
What should you never say to an orphan?
"Your Mom."
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
No one cries when they cut up the viola.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
What type of cartoon do spiders like to watch the most?
Web Cartoons!
What’s the difference between a dog and parents?
If an orphan calls their name, only the dog comes back.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
What did the one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."