Worst Jokes Ever

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.

Your forehead is so big, you could roast meat on it.

Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.

You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tornado." "Tornado who?" "Tornado going to suck yo house up."

Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."