Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a smart pig?

A Swinestein.

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.

But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"

America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"

Japan: "We are the ammo."

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

What does a plug do when he's horny?

He jacks off!

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”

Yo mama so ugly a rapist wouldn't even touch her with a barge pole.

I have big balls, said the kid holding two soccer balls.

You might think these jokes are plane.

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?

If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.

If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.

What does NASA stand for?

Not A Space Agency.