Worst Jokes Ever

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

You so fat you got thrown out the window, but the window threw you back inside.

What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,

one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

You masturbate...

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.

Yo mom is so fat when she went to sit on the couch it said, "To be continued."

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Best website ever 4 chair.

What did the hairline say to the hat?

"We go way back..."

"Piggy killed you with a bat because he is fat 0-0."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

What type of candy does the most magic?

Twix!

What did the retard say when the water too deep?

"Deep deep."

Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just hacked the "chrime."