Worst Jokes Ever

A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"

I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

I'm as bored as heck, someone want to chat?

Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”

Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.

Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.

Also me: Are you okay?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?

Me: Because you have no family.

Yo Mama so fat, she has a Twinkie inside of a Twinkie inside of her fat ass motherfucking belly button!

शाला टाइटैनिक को भी यमलोक जाना पड़ा। हम तो आदमी है।

Shala, even Titanic had to go to Yamlok. We are just men.

Papyrus: Sans, your jokes are bad!

Sans: I don’t care; I got thick skin.

People are like bean burritos. You can eat them EVERY DAY, but you'll never run out.

How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

What does a butt do when it is angry?

Butt crack!

arya fae

What’s the world’s most diseased country?

GerMany.

How do you shrivel a dick?

I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"

Wanna know why Stephen Hawking died?

He lost his Wi-Fi connection.

Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

This didn't actually happen.

Me: Imagine not having hair.

Kids: On chemo.

Bitch the fuck.

I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.