Worst Jokes Ever

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

I get jealous when my phone dies.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

I told a blind kid, "See you later!"

Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?

Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.

Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?

Boy's pants are half off.

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

Like (DYM 139).

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Broken pencil.

Broken pencil who?

Never mind, it's pointless.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"