Worst Jokes Ever
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
The Titanic was in a pickle when they saw the iceberg.
What do we call a gay Canadian?
Sophisticated cunt.
Hahahahahahah I'm dying.
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?
Pussy = drugs.
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
What do you call sex?
Making cake.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?
Two-ply!
A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”
My dog died.
I did not.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
"Nahtzee"