Worst Jokes Ever
If you ever had your nipple ripped off by a possum, you might be a redneck...
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
"Full House."
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
The exam is knocking at my door... so I ran away from the window.
Here's a joke... you.
Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!
How were Stephen Hawking's best mates, Siri and Google?
Why haven't they just tried turning Stephen Hawking on and off?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"
2+2=4-1=3 quick math.
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.
What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?
Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!
What games do you play if you are bored?
Board games.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...