Worst Jokes Ever
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.
What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.
Your Dad.
Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.
I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.
You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!
What do you call a fat midget?
A pig.
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
Person: Guess what?
Other person: What?
Person: Chicken butt!
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.