Worst Jokes Ever

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

I exist.

You suck.

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?

He didn’t; he never did.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Why did 10 kill itself?

Because it was between 9/11.

Can you see me?

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

Have you seen all the pants with crazy designs on them? I mean, britches be crazy!

Wanna me to show you a joke?

*Points at face* Funny, right?

Why did the orphan have to stay at school?

Because they need to leave with a parent.

Love is in the air...

Wrong! Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon Dioxide are in the air!

What's a chairmaker's favorite flavor?

Chair-y.

Is your middle name Fancy Feast?

'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.