Worst Jokes Ever

Stand? Wait. No.

What phone do orphans have?

An iPhone 10R.

The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."

What do cells call their friends with? A cell phone.

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

I exist.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.

Yo mama so stupid, she went to the Super Bowl with a spoon!

Why was the washing machine laughing?

It was taking the piss out of the knickers!

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said God didn’t exist.

In 2018, God said Stephen Hawking didn’t exist. xx 😂😂

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

Why do orphans have phones?

Because they don't know how to call home.

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?

To the retail store.

Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?

Bender.

"Out of the way, I need to Caterpie."

Shrek yells at Donkey. Fiona yells, "Stop yelling at the ass!"