Worst Jokes Ever

I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!

God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.

Why go to sleep because he was bossy?

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

Why was the orphan so famous?

Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.

When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?

Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."

What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?

Slim Shady.

Your mama is so fat, she sunk Atlantis even though it's in the ocean!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you look like Honey Boo Boo!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Tory shirts step in doodoo.

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

Hey, what do you call a beta simp?

You call me the beta simp.

"Ryan, come out to play-ee-ay!!"

What do / and \ have in common?

They have different results.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.