Worst Jokes Ever
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What do you call a gay Eskimo?
A snow blower.
Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?
Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?
"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else…
What do you call a blind German shepherd?
A Nazi.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What does a cow say? Moo.
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.