Worst Jokes Ever
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?
One's a superhero, one's a command.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.
Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"
Spiderman: "Yes."
Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."
Spiderman: "Why?"
Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."
What is Hitler's favorite animal?
A dolphin.
Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."
Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!
What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
What's the favorite Spiderman film for orphans?
Homecoming.