Worst Jokes Ever
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
I cry when I chop up onions.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
I went to the principal's office because I gave a deaf kid ear pods for his birthday.
My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
Ball so hard! 😂🤣