Worst Jokes Ever
Why are Americans so bad at chess? Because they already lost two towers.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?
The blond because she had to ask for directions.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until you're a teen to cum on your face.
U geiy haha lol.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
My brother
Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!
James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.
When Simba was walking too slow, I told him to mufasa.
Yo mama so fat, she curves space and time.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.