Worst Jokes Ever
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.
You make the juice go through my power brick.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
What do you call a man who lost his car??
Carlos
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Hi Andrew, this is Nick.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
McDonald's :)
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.
So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"
The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."
Can you fuck me, please?
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"