Worst Jokes Ever

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?

Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

How do u catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way.

Ur mom gay.

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

My face.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fffffsshhhhhh

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?

Some desert!

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.

I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.

What do pigs and ink have in common?

They both go in a pen.

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.