Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.