Worst Jokes Ever

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

How can you help a llama on holiday?

Alpaca your bags.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?

One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.

How do you fit 53 babies into a box?

First get a blender...

What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A tromboner.

Year 10 English.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

You are quite [something].

I love stairs. They always bring me up.

Teacher: What’s 2+2?

Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh

Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.

Roses are red, chocolate is brown,

I expect nothing and still get let down!

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

What do you call a chair with a hat?

I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."