Worst Jokes Ever
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!
Why didn't the right angle go to college? Because he had 90 degrees.
12/8?
We’ll be back.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Ryan.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
Why can't England play chess?
Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
What do you white people use as pronouns?
Crack/her.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.