Worst Jokes Ever

Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.

*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...

Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?

There is a small medium at large.

Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

What did the Indian say to the fat man?

"Curry up!"

What does an Arab prostitute say?

"Bomb my pussy!"

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

What's long, hard, and has cum in it?

A cuCUMber.

Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?

Because you need to planet.

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Lean beef.

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"

"Baking a cake."

The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.

"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."

Q: What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant?

A: On The Border.

When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.

What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a car in my garage.

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

When a white person says the n word,

black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."

Why does the disabled person scrunch his toilet paper up? Because that’s the way he rolls.