Worst Jokes Ever
What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Yo mama is so fat, she was the iceberg in Titanic.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
What’s Helen Keller’s favorite game as a kid?
I spy.
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Yo mama so hairy, her knuckles have sideburns.
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her on Halloween.
Yo mama so hairy, she braids her elbows.
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
What makes genders and Twin Towers similar?
There used to be two of them, and now it's a sensitive subject.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Chuck Norris sneezed and sent 2 planes flying... on September 11, 2001.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.