Worst Jokes Ever

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

What do you call a skeleton with no bones? A boneless boy.

What do you call a goat?

A goat.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?

Gasar.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?

Circumference.

Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.

So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?

Mario Kart.

The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"

Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?

Because he can't do standup.

Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!

Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!

Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!

Frisk: HAHAHA

Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!

Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!

My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.

I said “40.”

What do fire and people have in common?

They will both eventually die out.