Worst Jokes Ever
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his butt.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin.
What do Communism, Socialism, Feminism, and Fascism all have in common?
They are all disabilities.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.
"After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."
This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.
"There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."
Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.
The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.
The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.
Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.
The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.
After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."
"Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?
Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.
When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.
Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.
Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."
Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.
Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.
"But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.
Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"
Orphan jokes protest. Anonymous.
Orphan jokes are just funny so stop trying to ruin our fun!
Comments:
Gwen: Stop! It is not funny. Orphans are just out their cold, weak, and need someone! And the jokes are not funny!
Shut up: Shut up!
Liv: Gwen stop!!
Gwen: SHUT UP BITCH!!!!!!!!!
These aren't funny.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
Sixteen molecules of sodium walk into a bar. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!!