Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
A painting only needs one nail.
What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “Dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”
Why was the DJ banned from the supermarket?
He was stealing all the samples.
What do you call a nervous Jedi?
Panakin.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?
A bull dozer.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
Why is the Champs d'Elysees in Paris lined with trees?
Because German soldiers like marching in the shade!
I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
Why is James depressed?........ because he's a bitch.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.