Worst Jokes Ever
My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a PDF file!
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
The Breakfast Couples: (Bacon) - Don't go bacon my heart.
(Egg) - I couldn't if I fried.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
I made a website for orphans.
It has no home page.
Skeleton puns? Nah... they aren't that humerus.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
Punch an orphan in the face what they gonna do? Tell there parents
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.