Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Both of their greatest hits are "the wall."
Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...
I was going to tell a dead baby joke...
I decided to abort.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.