Worst Jokes Ever
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.