Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

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    • If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

    What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

    They both thank you for your financial support.

    Me: Wanna play a game?

    Sister: Ya, what is it?

    Me: Tic tac toe.

    Sister:?

    Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

    Me: Tic tac toe.

    A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

    The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

    What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

    The Mikey Jackson club.

    How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

    M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

    Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

    A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

    I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

    We started playing rocket league.

    An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

    After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

    Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

    The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

    What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

    In the U.K., it's a swear word.

    In America, it's a family reunion.

    My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

    "That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

    A girl goes to a Church to confess.

    Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

    Priest: "What have you done my child?"

    Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

    Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

    Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

    Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

    (after a few minutes)

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"

    Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"