Worst Jokes Ever
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."
- Bill Cosby
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.
It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw