Worst Jokes Ever
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.