Worst Jokes Ever
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."