Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the orphan commit mass murder?

To be on top of the wanted list.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?

Because he's always spotted.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Chuck Norris and Time had a race.

Result: Time is still running...

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

How do you circumsize a hillbilly?

Kick his mother in the jaw

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

When dwarfs get high, do they just get medium?

I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.