Worst Jokes Ever

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”