Worst Jokes Ever
It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.
What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.
What do you say to the orphan?
"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"
What do you call it when an orphan takes a photo of himself?
A family photo.
Why do orphans love playing with boomerangs? Because it always comes back.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
How do rappers stay cool in the summer?
They drop ICE COLD rhymes.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
To make some DOUGH on the side.
Why did the rapper become a carpenter?
To NAIL his performances!
Why did the rapper become a mathematician?
To count his STACKS of CASH.
Why do butts always win at poker?
They always hold the best PAIRS!
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
How does a rapper like his eggs?
Hard-boiled, to match his beats!
How do rappers stay cool?
They have MAD ICE!
How does a rapper fix stuff?
With a RAP-AIR!
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
......
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"