Worst Jokes Ever

Hi, I'm Bob.

How do you punish a blind kid?

Move to a new house.

What's the difference between a frog and a skyscraper? The frog can jump. Hahahahaha!

What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?

"I'm a Cheetah!"

My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.

Your fay.

Well, you're the thing that sunk the Titanic.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁

In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...

What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

That doesn't matter, we need to get the best joker to go back to posting here, he was funny but now people say they are him and ruin his good name, he was the top of the charts for over a year, so screw all these chumps! Bring back THE REAL SPECIAL!!!

Also, the chicken dies in the end, ha ha, funny, whatever.

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?

Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.

Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.

Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)

What do you call a man with no legs?

Hangman.

Your forehead is so big your soulmate didn't even want you.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.