Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.
He just couldn’t figure out who.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
The world is a freaking rape joke.
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
I spat on a blind kid and told him it was raining.
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
I wish my grass was edgy...
then it would cut itself...
Why can’t orphans play sports?
Because they don’t have a home team.
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Why does Technoblade make orphan jokes?
'Cuz he's the Father!!!
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."