How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns? He/heeeeeee.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
