Worst Jokes Ever
The twin towers were like my parents... They never came back.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Why did Michael Jackson rush to Walmart?
He heard boys' pants were half off!
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut, so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.
The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
"I told my black friend a joke. I told him he needs to lighten up!"
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity...
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying ten pounds of crack.