Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama so old, she witnessed Noah building the ark.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

Your eyebrows could make the bushes outside feel jealous.

When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.

Lucas is bronze 1 in RL.

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.

"Joe momma" is called that because it means "you're a mistake."

Your hairline is so big, not even a black hole can eat it!

Yo mama so OLD...

Her first Christmas... WAS the FIRST CHRISTMAS!

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Why did the qack go duck?

I don't know, rhydon deez. 4x2=8

Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

What's the single worst terrestrial species? Humans, obviously.

What is an orphan's role model?

Batman.

Dog.

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.