Worst Jokes Ever

If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?

Me: Because they can't get a homerun.

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

The chicken is so fat.

What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?

A pee-ano/piano.

There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.

What's a rock band that has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

"Long time no sea."

A B C D E F G.

Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!

Family Guy funny moments.

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Awww, don't cry!

What’s an orphan's favorite game?

Catch.

What was I saying again?

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

Why can’t orphans order from Costa?

They need a parent or guardian with them.

What is the fastest cake in the world?

Scone.

Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.